reviewed by
Aimee Li
Gloriana Eloisa St. Clair, Glory to her friends, is like every other young woman trying to find her place in the world. Needing a change in her life, she packs all her belongings into a U-Haul and makes the move from Las Vegas, Nevada show girl to Austin, Texas, proprietor of a small, open 24 hours a day shop named "Vintage Vamp's Emporium," specializing in vintage clothing and items. The shop's name is not only a play on words from the era for femme fatale characters in silent films, but also a hint at what makes Glory different from most other "young" women: she's a 400 year old vampire.
Even though Glory has lived for centuries, she behaves just like any other modern young female trying to escape from "family" expectations. But, instead of parents forcing the expectations, the vampire who turned her and on-again-off-again lover, Jeremy Blade, Jerry or Blade for short, is the one casting the expectations. He pressures her to behave more like women back in the 16th century rather than the independent, working females of the 21st century, which was more Glory's style even in the 16th century. Bartlett's book focuses on Glory's need to take control of her own life, while fending off multiple would-be suitors, worrying about a high-tech vampire hunter, and learning to control her own growing powers.
Before assuming Bartlett's book is like every other spin on Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake series, there are some noteworthy differences between Bartlett's vampire universe and most others. In Bartlett's vampire universe, vampires are not murdering, blood sucking murderers. Instead, most of the vampires try to blend with their human counterparts. Bartlett's vampires would rather live in peace with humans, and, while human blood is a temptation, most of the vampires drink synthetic, canned blood as meals. Also, most of Bartlett's vampires have normal jobs at the local all-night mini mart or coffee shop. Sure, there are some vampires that come from rich families and do not have to work, but a lot of the vampires are like Glory, vampires that have no family money and must work mundane jobs in order to survive in today's world. Through a seemingly unending stream of conscience prattle by Glory in the first part of the book, Bartlett establishes all of her universe's quirks and differences from a traditional vampire universe.
The entire book is written in first person, from Glory's point of view, and reads more like a long, humorous character development piece rather than a plot driven novel. The main plot of the book smacks the reader across the face at the very beginning with an intense conversation between Glory and Blade, but the major plot developments later in the book tend to be buried under Glory's thoughts and conversations about her life. This is not to say the book was horrible due to Bartlett's choice of style, because Glory's stream of conscience is extremely entertaining, if corny, at times and did evoke a chuckle or outright laugh at points, but some of the more serious plot situations were detracted by Bartlett's attempts at portraying Glory as a self-confident, independent female. At those points, Glory's character comes off more like a smart ass rather than the confident, small business entrepreneur Bartlett wants to establish. However, Gerry Bartlett's Real Vampires Have Curves is a decent beginning to a series of light-hearted, humorous supernatural romance books and is perfect for an easy beach read or traveling companion this upcoming season.
